to admit it .

should i ?
to admit it would mean sooo much . it would take it to the level that i'm not even sure if i wanna be at yet . cuz i mean .. things are cool as they are . just friends . nothing more , nothing less . someone i can run to when the world comes crashing down on me , and someone he depends on to be there .. to give him the encouragement he needs to keep perusing his dream . we make each other smile without effort , yes . we make each other happy without money , yes . but does that mean we should be more ? THAT'S the part i'm confused about . but when i think about it , and when i think of our one-of-a-kind relationship that im sure no one else walking this planet shares , it makes me think , "maybe". and when i think about what everyone says .. how they just KNOW its meant to be , i think, "maybe". but does that mean that i should admit it ? does that mean that i should admit that i love you and when i think long-term you're the first person who comes to mind ? should i admit that when i think of who makes me smile the most it's always you ? should i admit that when im with you i dont want nor need anything else ? i don't know . because i feel like it will complicate things . that day at lunch, you said," when i think of being married, i think of you. i really think we'll be together." i laughed and said ,"shut up boy." but if my true feelings would have spoken, they would've said, " you're right . i think so , too . " but i couldnt have admitted that , right ? cuz that wouldve taken us to a step that im not sure if either one of us are ready for yet . we need time to grow and mature . we need time apart and away from each other . we need not to be used to each other yet , so that when we go for it , we put our all into making it work . i dnt wanna admit it yet . cuz if i admit it now , we won't get far . i mean we are in college . and i care about this too much to just let this be a fling and i lose you completely . cuz that would be the death of me . i care to the point that i am willing to wait to admit it . until the time is just right . until i know that we are both ready for love . cuz honestly , im not right now . and neither are you . so i will wait . and i will let it tear me up inside , rip me to shreds , and then spit me out . i will let it bother me like an itch every night before i go to sleep until the day its time to admit it . i will let it drive me crazy like ants crawling on every inch of my body . i will make that sacrifice for you . because .. well .. i love you , and everyone who knows me knows that already . but i wonder .. do you ? "/